Cheated on or Betrayed and LEARNING TO FORGIVE

You've made the decision that YOU ARE GOING TO FORGIVE but that sh*t is TOUGH!

Here's a few tips.

Be Honest With Each Other.

FIRST, you have to be honest with YOURSELF.
This includes you accepting your role and your partner accepts and owns theirs.  No making excuses for them and likewise for your own shortcomings or indiscretions.

WORK TOGETHER.
You BOTH are:  TEAM MR. & MRS. "so & so", SO, act like it.  You are not enemies nor are you each other's competition, so make sure your actions and thoughts reflect you being of one mind, moving towards the same goals.  You are mates, not competitors.

Replace Old Habits.
Continually checking his voicemail every 15 minutes is NOT helping you.  Driving by 'xyz' is NOT a good habit to continue.  Picking apart your spouse is NOT a good habit to continue in the hopes of having a better relationship.

The thrill-- that high needs to be replaced with something healthy and more beneficial to your development.  Try prayer.  Feel anxious, talk to God.  Feel confused, talk to God. Crazy thoughts pop in your head, REBUKE THEM, confusion and despair is NOT of God.  Nor is acting a plum fool.

Build confidence & trust.  You messed up, SO YOU WILL HAVE TO SUCK UP some insecure feelings he/she has.  You may have to answer silly questions.  And you will have to deal with the uncomfortable feeling of not being trusted and having many of your motives, words and deeds questions.


Know when to MOVE ON.

Beating a dead horse is not going to make it come to life.  Talking about your past will not make your future brighter.

If it's relevant then feel free to discuss it.  If it's not, bringing up the past experiences or hurts doesn't help the current situation because remember YOU CHOSE TO MOVE FORWARD.


You'll never see the light of today if you're still in the darkness of your past shadows.

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DATE IDEAS: Date Alternatives For The Person Who Never Knows What To Do or Where To Go

                        UNDECIDED when determining what to do for a DATE?  

Here's a few DATE IDEAS for Valentines or EVERY DAY, for a first date or after years of being together.

 Wake up at 4am & watch the sunrise together
Maybe not first date material, but perhaps third or fourth. What could be better than sitting close on a rooftop somewhere, talking & laughing & watching the sun come up? Take a flask of hot coffee for extra points.

 Have an extravagant brunch at 8am
Get dressed up & do breakfast properly. Make a big deal out of it, & include fabulous pancakes, decadent waffles, poached eggs & the best hollandaise. Boutique hotels often do a brilliant brunch, but a bit of surreptitious googling should set you on the right track. Thick white linen napkins first thing in the morning are a magnificent way to start the day — & then you can either go your separate ways, or take a walk.

 Go to an art gallery on a Thursday Evening
You’ll learn a lot about the person you’re standing next to if you go & check out art together. Plus it gives you something so much more stimulating to talk about than the last episode of reality tv or sportsCenter.  Sorry, @StevenASmith #ESPN #FirstTake 

 Bring half an evening
One person organises the food, & the other organises a movie, or one person organises tickets to an amusement park, & the other plans a walking tour. Very collaborative! You get the opportunity to impress your crush with your superior taste while also finding out more about them. You don’t have to meet at someone’s house, either — a park bench, good picnic spot or even town square could work too.

 Random restaurant date
Search Yelp for restaurants in your area, close your eyes, roll your mouse & point at the screen. Just like the mystery band date, you never know how it’ll go — it could be a hidden treasure or a total health hazard, but that’s part of the fun, isn’t it?!

 Volunteer Together
Visit a local dog shelter, feed the homeless (usually, a dedicated day of the week/month at local churches or community centers), campaign trail of a candidate, or a convalescent home.

 Decorate a Christmas tree together
Yes, this one is seasonal, but think how fun it would be! It’ll cheer up your (or their) apartment, give you a visual reminder of them (assuming the date goes well), & maybe you could even go ice-skating afterwards.  THERE ARE MANY TREES THAT LOOK LIKE CHRISTMAS TREES, INSTEAD OF TEE PEEING A TREE, DECORATE YOUR NEIGHBORHOOD. 

 The Sunday New York Times crossword date
Bonus: intellectual stimulation, nerd points & you get to find out how clever they really are, all in one fell swoop. & wouldn’t it be great if you looked at them across the table, sunlight falling across their face, & they smiled at you & you thought, ‘I would like to spend every Sunday this way’? Yes. Yes it would.

 Playground date
Slides are exciting. Monkey bars are fun. Swinging side by side is totally awesome, & you can have a contest as to who can swing higher. (Hint: if you are younger you will probably win this one. Older people, I have learned, sometimes feel motion sick on swings. Definitely one of the downsides of maturity.)

 Tree-climbing date

No explanation required, but if you take them to a secret treehouse that no one else knows about, please don’t be surprised if they propose on the spot!  

 Pretend to be tourists
Go & do the stuff you’ve never done because, well, you’ve always lived here. Wear a baseball cap, khakis & a CAMERA for a feeling of real authenticity, & don’t forget to take plenty of photos!

 “My old neighborhood” date
Walk around the area you used to live, & tell your date about where you used to ride your bike, what happened on that one lawn, which house was best to hit up on hallowe’en & who the really creepy neighbors were.

 The really long one-way walk
No rules except that you just have to walk for a really long time in one direction & not turn around. When you’re really exhausted or you hit the ocean, it’s time to go back. Catch a taxi or a bus or something to ease the pain.

 The silent date
In a loud, noisy, overstimulating world, it can be nice to unplug & escape. But it can be nice to do that with your new favourite person, too. Being able to sit in silence will tell you alot about a person.  Do you constantly need to break the silence?

 “First date” night

This works best if it’s not your actual first date. 

Get dressed separately, meet somewhere strange & a bit awkward, & pretend you don’t know one another. 

Start from scratch. Ask all those questions you’re supposed to ask AND SOME THAT YOU WISH YOU DID ASK in the beginning. Then at the end of the night, you can talk about WHY YOU'D DATE/MARRY him or her all over again. <3

  Share your PASSION

Be the expert or teacher in something you REALLY ENJOY or are good at.  If you really enjoy wine tasting or cheese, imported or craft beers, a cigar connoisseur or even a hamburger aficionado, SHARE WHAT YOU KNOW.  Because of course, one day for MANY DAYS of your lives, potentially, you'll be doing more of it.  Or they'll do it alone or without you.  So begin with LEARNING TO APPRECIATE WHAT YOUR DATE ENJOYS .

 Read the Bible together

Read the Bible together.  Bring your Bible version/translation and your date will bring theirs, and read passages comparing the differences and discuss it's meaning to you.  Even cooler, go to a library and check out different versions and compare many translations.  A nice environment will be the library

 The generational date
Pretend you’re an age that you’re not, then act accordingly. A senior citizens date might involve playing cards, listening to the radio & watching Old Western Movies. A teenager date might involve roller-skating, making out in public & sneaking into a movie. You get the idea…

  Group Date

When's the last time you went on a low key date with friends?  Grab a burger, watch a high school football game, or go to the beach for a bon fire.

 Have a five-course dinner… at different places
Have an appetizer at your favorite place, soup/salad elsewhere, take a journey for your favorite main course, a dessert to share, & coffee at your favorite cafe.  Or better yet, eat them out of order!

 Play truth or dare
Awesome.

 One-hour make-out session
Choose a good location & use a stopwatch if necessary. Sounds like a good use of time!

Queen Esther: Knowing & Owning the Different Facets of YOU

In our December blog entitled, "You are a QUEEN but What Kind of Queen Are You?" we discussed the Biblical story of Queen Esther and Queen Vashti, their contrast in character and personality traits as well as behavior, yet having the same role/title: QUEEN.

Queen Esther was in the process of DISCOVERY.  Esther was certain of her authority and power as queen, yet was unsure of her place as friend and lover to the king.  The wine feast was a reminder of their covenant, reestablishing their intimate relationship.  Esther hadn't seen the king for a few days when word from Mordecai came to her regarding the decree for the demise of the Jews.

Esther was CHOSEN yet she didn't do anything after she was CHOSEN by the king nor did the king do anything to maintain their bond and get to know each other more deeply.

The banquet of wine was a CELEBRATION OF THEIR MARRIAGE.  Again, Esther was laying the foundation for their marriage, for herself, for him, for their lives, communion, engraining their covenant, expressing her love and commitment to him.

As women of God and wives we need to LEARN when to speak, when to speak, when to speak.  When to speak in prayer seeking God, HOW TO SPEAK when approaching the throne of THE KING and our earthly king (husband), and how we earn/establish/maintain FAVOR.

Mature as the praying bride, learn to follow protocol.  Esther was quite the respecter of the king's authority by not presenting herself and seeking favor from him, instead of BURSTING THROUGH THE DOOR WITH COMPLAINTS AND DISPROVAL.


Esther is ROYAL, a powerful queen.  Yet, she is unafraid to express her love.

Our lives are a process toward full intimate authority with the King.  First, our relationships with God, ABBA, and secondly to our earthly king, our husbands.

First we are invited into His house and cleaned up, prepared to be united as one.  When we become married to the King then we learn how to live in our new identity as partners with Him.  Our heart motives are tested and we are stretched into making new choices.  Nothing is familiar, yet everything IS FAMILIAR because at a soul core, this IS what we are created for.  Our spirits knows what is truth, where truth is, and we need to connect with I AM first and foremost, to God's truth, in line with His truth.

Our mindsets about who we are become transformed to His mindset about us.

IT IS TIME to enter that astoundingly powerful place in prayer that is born in intimacy with Jesus.  As the praying bride we are commissioned to pray with INTIMATE AUTHORITY, accomplishing great exploits because we know our LORD; Together, we have opportunity to birth something, no matter how barren we once believed.

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Have you ever given thought to this aspect of Esther?

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